Weigh-In Wednesday

199.2 pounds

And I wish I could say it was a lot of hard work and motivation, but I got dumped on sunday and eating has been pretty awful. I've been exercising to keep my mind off things but I can't.

I have honestly never been left before. I do all the leaving because I know when it's time to get out. But when someone tells you their plans with you for the future and they let all this shit fall out of their mouths you believe it.

And I'm not going to use this post to bad mouth anyone but I can honestly say I'm pretty done. I've had a lot of awful luck with relationships in the past like you wouldn't believe and after this one and everything I've had to hear I'm done.

What's the point of a relationship when two people aren't in it? When one is struggling along without telling the other. It was six months where I was oblivious but only because all my questions went unanswered.

But the relationship all in all I guess was not healthy. If I'm trying to lose weight having someone in my ear reminding me that he likes thin girls better isn't motivation. It's a set back because now I'm constantly worrying "What if I get there and I'm not thin enough"especially after my previous EDO issues.

I'm going to teach myself that behavior that I don't accept when it's not changed by talking just needs to be cut loose. No, it wasn't the worst I've ever experienced but that doesn't excuse anything. & After three days trying to figure out what went wrong, now that I know for sure and I got to hear a comprehensive list about all the things that make me not right for him, I'm good.

I'm going to move on, walls go up, worry about myself.

And maybe this will result in my push to have a hot body and spite him. Fuck it.