UGH I'M SORRY

First of all, I have already sucked and stopped the Body Resolution. 50% due to lack of motivation, 50% due to lack of a resistance cable so doing some of the things felt pointless. I am however on a new journey and that journey involves Insanity or T25 again.

(I'm sitting at 191.8 pounds which is only a -.4 weight loss since last time I updated this, but I'm not making it official because my plateau/weight fluctuation has been super frustrating me for weeks now)

Today's a big day for me! I'm buying my first swimsuit in like 4 years! I'm thinking high-waisted bottoms with a bikini top? It's going to be super weird doing this. My boobs are honestly my favorite part of me (but they're shrinking!!) and my butt is my least favorite with its weird stretch marks and if I can get my tummy to not have that weird bottom pooch, I'd be golden.

I've been setting little goals for myself and I'm still forcing myself to branch out and try different foods and I bought a healthy cooking book to get recipes from. I'm going to try things like flank steak with guacamole!

It's been hectic and busy for me, hence the lack of updates. As little as last week I had a friend die that I was really close with my freshman year and we've facebook messaged a couple of times since then, but it was still really jarring and I don't like talking about it. I had a childhood best friend die a few years back and I did the same thing I'm doing now. I shut down, I refuse to go to any memorials, I act like it didn't happen. It's something I absolutely know I need to work on.

But my insurance kicks in June 1st! Which means therapy for me!!

I'll be really excited because my grandpa's health is on a serious decline. He sleeps most of the day now and won't open his mouth to eat and it sucks. It sucks a lot. And with my multiple diagnosises that range from my mom's "you'll be okay" to several therapist explaining that I have dysthymia to major depression with severe anxiety, I just want a break.

And! I have 30 days until my cute new army boy comes home from Georgia so I just have to be patient. This could be really good for me, or this could make me regret already breaking my promise not to even look at a boy in relationship standards for like ever.

WISH ME LUCK.